Breaking the "Passy" Habit

I never thought I would be in the position of having a child that is almost three years old with a "passy".  I have taught preschool, been trained in Child Development, and teach parenting classes.  I would think breaking a habit should come easy to me.  Think again.

There are many articles out there that tell you how to brake this habit, when, and all the little tricks.  I think most articles I read have great ideas.  With my training and all the encouraging. "you can do this", " i know your sad" "we love you" and "big boys get to have fun doing big boy things" have been tried and nothing has stuck.  Being consistent is the biggest thing to hold true to, so we as parents had to stay consistent, no matter what.  I am writing this on day 3 of the no "passy".

My son will be three in September.  I have tried very hard to make sure he never has it in his mouth when he talks, he isn't allowed to have it any other time other than bedtime. 

Knowing this was going to come sooner or later we (my husband, mom and myself) have talked it out and decided as a family we all needed to be on the same page and support him and each other while he does this.  I am his primary caregiver and make most the rules.  I didn't want to go this one alone.  I had many sleepless nights only a few months ago with a new baby.  I wanted to make sure I had support doing this.  After many discussions on consistency and ways of doing it, we agreed it should start at nap.  We had already tried getting a special toy to replace it.  It went great the 1st time, but the novelty wore off by dinner time.

This is the biggest transition for him, since becoming a big brother 10 months ago.  I had planned on breaking this habit by the time he was two.  Although when he turned two we transitioned him into a new room, a big big boy bed, and potty trained him all within a few months after his sister was born.  The "passy" sat waste side because I needed sleep and wasn't going to get any with a newborn, and didn't want to add to the problem.  My husband was also travelling a lot and grandma wasn't around that much.  I didn't want to go it alone when we did stop this habit.  As the months grew past his 2nd bday, his habit became an obsession.  When he tested the limits or got put in time out he would say "I want to go to bed and get my passy", or have and attitude and say "go get passy!".  His sleeping became unbalanced and wouldn't nap in the car on road trips.  We resorted to having "passy" time, so he would rest and eventually fall asleep with a passy in the car.  A short nap, but at least some type of rest for him.

Creating this crutch is my fault, I know it.  But when you lack sleep for 7 months you do what you have to in order to survive.  The minor habit has turned into an obsession and it needs to be stopped.

Now he has started preschool, and they don't allow "passy" at nap time.  I took this as an opportunity to alleviate it from our home nap time routine as well.  He would look forward to getting it at night time.  This had challenges but worked for the first 2 weeks.  Now we are in the third week and he won't nap.  So in order to get him to rest I resorted to telling him he won't get "passy" at night if he doesn't sleep at nap.  Well for 3 days he napped with a lot of help from me and Daddy!  But he did sleep.  Then last week on Friday no nap.  So I had to stick to my word and I cut them both up and threw them away.

I read many things about how to transition a kid off them.  We even bought a book called, "Pacifiers Are Not Forever"  which seemed to help a little but not much.  Our son is ready and able to do what he wants when he is ready.  It took a little encouraging for the potty training but he got it in 2 weeks.  He loves his own room, bed and new school.  He has his moments but all two year old do.  One thing I read said not to take them off the "passy" during other major transitions.  I tried that the first week of preschool, and let him have it at nap at home, and he slept at school without it.  By the end of that week he was a terror of emotions and didn't know how to handle all the different rules.  So out with the "passy" at nap time.  3 days no nap, and then napping like I said with a lot of help.  Daddy has been the only one to get him to nap so far.

Part of this being so big is that if he doesn't nap he is not a happy camper.  He is mad and angry all the time, because he is so tired.  He won't let himself fall asleep.  He has never been a cry yourself to sleep and pass out kind of kid.  He also gets so delirious he starts to talk gibberish, then a sudden spike of energy and he is wide awake again.  Everything I have been taught, read about and discussed had not worked.  None of it!

So since he did not nap Friday, he didn't get a passy Friday night.  What a fun night.  Screaming, crying, yelling, throwing, a full blown fit of emotions for over 2 hours.  Finally after a snack, many books, and leaving him alone for awhile Daddy got him to fall asleep about 10pm.  We started at 6:30.  So Saturday was going to be interesting.  Daddy got him down for nap with minor struggles but not nearly the long lasting fit or anger, or sadness. 

The key I think was we, as parents needed to know that the "passy" was in the garbage, we didn't have the crutch to know we could give it back if it didn't sleep.  It was hard.  I had a lot of emotion at first, then let it go.  I didn't like seeing him so sad, distraught and in emotional pain.  We had to have confidence that he is a big boy and could do it. 

Saturday after his nap we had a wonderful afternoon having family time, going over to our friends swimming and having dinner.  Our two year old was back to being fun and happy!  That evening there was a challenge of sleeping for a little while, but minor compared to that evening before.

So we are on day three with no "passy" at all.  Hopefully this is the peak and not much action in our future.  The biggest downside to all of this, is he is waking up at 2 to 3 times a night, and needing to be snuggled and calmed down to go back to sleep.  Then he is wide awake at 5am, which is his usually I have to go potty, and then I play in the loft with toys with my passy until 7am.  No such luck.  "Daddy, daddy, mommy, mommy mommy come upstairs please!" at 5am.  Well hopefully his little body is able to sleep more consecutive hours soon.  Also since we are in our 3rd week of preschool his activity level will be more consistent (and the sun is out) and these should all help.

So that habit is broken, but the aftermath and clean up are still in play.

Today's (day 4) Update: Nap in car, successful transition to bed with a 2 hours nap!  Bedtime tonight took about 1.5 hours, mainly I think he was waiting for the sun to go down.  I don't think he likes to go to bed when the sun is up he thinks it is too early.  Usually he looks forward to sleeping and getting his passy.  Not much to look forward to right now.  Very little sadness, daddy sat with him, left him alone.  He played in his room alone.  We took out all his toys but a few books since night 1 was a nightmare and he was throwing everything over his gate anyway.  But he went down after the second time daddy went upstairs, after 9:30pm.  Too late for normal days, but OK for a growing boy that is working out how to sleep without something he has known since he was 7 months old.

Day 5, 6 & 7 Update: Daddy had to leave town for awhile and was ready to throw in the towel.  We had a long discussion on how I could do this alone with both kids, especially with my 10 month old no sleeping well at night either.  We also talked with Grandma and she insisted we stick with it and has done nap & night time for both days.  She stayed consistent with daddy's stories and laying on the floor not in bed with him.  Getting him to breath, slowly in and out has worked very well.  He tends to hold his breath a lot and I think this contributes to the inability to relax. 

So day 5 Daddy got him down without even a mention of passy on night 5.  Day six at dinner he told me that he napped without passy at school (without any prompting), gave me a high five and ate his dinner.  Later that night he asked for his passy in the bath and I said, " I know it is sad sometimes." and he said, "yeah" and kept playing.  Grandma got him down fine that night even starting bedtime at 7pm he was asleep by 8:30.  She also got him down at nap just fine today. 

So a week into it, "passy" seems to be in the back of his mind, not a priority anymore.  He has built up confidence in himself that he can sleep without it.  I am so very proud of him.  I didn't want to go this alone, and with the lead of Daddy and Grandma I didn't really have any part of it.  Part of why I think it went better then expected.  Daddy questioned the reason of why we were doing this again but now knows Grandma is getting him down too!   I will try bed time for him tonight and see how it goes.

I love my son and am so proud of him!

FIVE Family Road Trip "Essentials"

Planning a road trip with the kids this summer?  Here are a few tips:

1. Plan activities that cover creativity, imagination, movement (singing), and brain activity (puzzles). 

Variety helps to keep things interesting and engaging.

2. Recruit help, have a spouse, friend, sister, mother come along with you to entertain the kids, help drive, or plan meals. 
Having help gives the driver a break of having to entertain while driving as well as allows for driving breaks.

3. Allow yourself extra hours for travel. 

When on a time crunch it just adds to the stress, so plan an additional day or hours to help.

4. Snacks- Having snack like peanut butter, carrots, rasins, trail mix, yogurt, deli meat, V8 and pleanty of water. 

Fastfood is inevitable on the road for atleast one meal of the day, so having healthier snacks will help your system balance.  Having your system off-balance will add to stress and discomfort.

5. Plan plenty of stops and do large motor activities for atleast 20 minutes during them. 

Especially with children, they need to move and being strapped into car seats for long lengths of time will add to discomfort and moods.  If you plan to let the kids watch DVD or TV in the car, large motor activities with fresh air will ensure the balance from non-movement.

10 Reasons Why Childbirth Education is NOT a Waste Time

1. To Meet other Couples

2. Get your questions answered and be inspired to ask more questions once others do.

3. Partners can talk and ask about how one might have prepared or not.

4. Make friends in your same situation and maybe develope friends for your kids.

5. Have teacher teach you what you want to learn.

6. Get real life examples and how you can practice or reherse at home.

7. Educating yourself about issues or decisions that might come up during your labor & birth will HELP you be more confident about it.

8. Preparing is a begining to parenthood. You planned your wedding, plan your birth!

9. Every woman is different, each labor is different even with same mom/different kids, discussing different scenarios will help eliminate the unknown. Thus helping to minimize fear.

10. Labor and birth are NOT pain free, no matter your plan. Why not get some techniques in your birth bag to do at home or while in the hospital while you progress to Active Labor. (if you don't know what Active Labor is, you should take a class)

Instructors are trained in many ways, two major general institutions train them. ICEA & CAPPA. Most hospital instructors are trained and required to be certified. Hospitals have policies and procedures to abide by, so the classes can be limiting. Private instructors, in a personal or group setting can get to know you and your needs a little better. The classes tend to be smaller vs. hospital classes can be 20-35 couples.

Choosing a Private Instructor is a good way to go to get more of a personal experience.

Please listen to the connected Podcast it reviews many reasons why every expectant parent should take a class. I took a class and I am trained in the field. http://thebbbcafe.podbean.com/
________________________________________________________________________

About Me ~ My name is Sara Hery, ICCE.  I teach childbirth education, and have got a lot of feedback from moms in the area that they felt like it was a waste of time. Most moms I received feedback from took hospital classes. With hospitals they offer a standard format of curriculum. Not much wiggle room on how your questions get answered or covering topics you may want to know more about.

So I formatted my private classes to be customized for you, the expectant parent. The fee is the same if not cheaper than hospital classes, and you pick the topics! Also my classes are 6 hrs total, two evenings. Does this sound like something you would pick over a hospital class?

Question- if you feel like it was a wast of time, why or why not? Did you go to a private or hospital class? How long was it?

I loved this article about why CBE is important, read and give me feedback. I would love to make sure my classes are extremely beneficial and NOT a waste of time for any family!

http://hubpages.com/hub/Childbirth-Education-and-Benefits-of-Childbirth-Education-Classes

thanks!

Sara Hery, ICCE
www.thebbbcafe.com

Welcome to The BBB Cafe

The BBB Cafe is a business in Roseville, CA that offers a unique format in childbirth education.

Our Format is "A la Carte" and is called "The Essential" Chilbirth Class. Parents comes to our website: www.thebbbcafe.com and can pick from an array of topics. Once they pick up to 3 they register for our class. Once they register and pay they are able to connect with other parents enrolled in the class via facebook. Discussions will be posted on our facebook page under "discussions". We also will have a private group via facebook for ongoing chats and more back and forth discussions.

The class allows interaction with other couples and has hands on tools for learning techniques for many situations. There are also tools available for purchase via our website Amazon store for the upcoming labor and birth. There are also a variety of recommended items on our store for "after baby" that I as a mother have used personally and found very helpful!

The most unique part of our class is that it is only 6 hours of commited time! The rest is done online!

Here I will post topics from our facebook page, ongoing thoughts or concerns that have come up in class that I think other parents may benefit from.

Thanks to anyone reading this, and please if you know of a good resource website I don't have listed, and good mommy blogs, please let me know.