I never thought I would be in the position of having a child that is almost three years old with a "passy". I have taught preschool, been trained in Child Development, and teach parenting classes. I would think breaking a habit should come easy to me. Think again.
There are many articles out there that tell you how to brake this habit, when, and all the little tricks. I think most articles I read have great ideas. With my training and all the encouraging. "you can do this", " i know your sad" "we love you" and "big boys get to have fun doing big boy things" have been tried and nothing has stuck. Being consistent is the biggest thing to hold true to, so we as parents had to stay consistent, no matter what. I am writing this on day 3 of the no "passy".
My son will be three in September. I have tried very hard to make sure he never has it in his mouth when he talks, he isn't allowed to have it any other time other than bedtime.
Knowing this was going to come sooner or later we (my husband, mom and myself) have talked it out and decided as a family we all needed to be on the same page and support him and each other while he does this. I am his primary caregiver and make most the rules. I didn't want to go this one alone. I had many sleepless nights only a few months ago with a new baby. I wanted to make sure I had support doing this. After many discussions on consistency and ways of doing it, we agreed it should start at nap. We had already tried getting a special toy to replace it. It went great the 1st time, but the novelty wore off by dinner time.
This is the biggest transition for him, since becoming a big brother 10 months ago. I had planned on breaking this habit by the time he was two. Although when he turned two we transitioned him into a new room, a big big boy bed, and potty trained him all within a few months after his sister was born. The "passy" sat waste side because I needed sleep and wasn't going to get any with a newborn, and didn't want to add to the problem. My husband was also travelling a lot and grandma wasn't around that much. I didn't want to go it alone when we did stop this habit. As the months grew past his 2nd bday, his habit became an obsession. When he tested the limits or got put in time out he would say "I want to go to bed and get my passy", or have and attitude and say "go get passy!". His sleeping became unbalanced and wouldn't nap in the car on road trips. We resorted to having "passy" time, so he would rest and eventually fall asleep with a passy in the car. A short nap, but at least some type of rest for him.
Creating this crutch is my fault, I know it. But when you lack sleep for 7 months you do what you have to in order to survive. The minor habit has turned into an obsession and it needs to be stopped.
Now he has started preschool, and they don't allow "passy" at nap time. I took this as an opportunity to alleviate it from our home nap time routine as well. He would look forward to getting it at night time. This had challenges but worked for the first 2 weeks. Now we are in the third week and he won't nap. So in order to get him to rest I resorted to telling him he won't get "passy" at night if he doesn't sleep at nap. Well for 3 days he napped with a lot of help from me and Daddy! But he did sleep. Then last week on Friday no nap. So I had to stick to my word and I cut them both up and threw them away.
I read many things about how to transition a kid off them. We even bought a book called, "Pacifiers Are Not Forever" which seemed to help a little but not much. Our son is ready and able to do what he wants when he is ready. It took a little encouraging for the potty training but he got it in 2 weeks. He loves his own room, bed and new school. He has his moments but all two year old do. One thing I read said not to take them off the "passy" during other major transitions. I tried that the first week of preschool, and let him have it at nap at home, and he slept at school without it. By the end of that week he was a terror of emotions and didn't know how to handle all the different rules. So out with the "passy" at nap time. 3 days no nap, and then napping like I said with a lot of help. Daddy has been the only one to get him to nap so far.
Part of this being so big is that if he doesn't nap he is not a happy camper. He is mad and angry all the time, because he is so tired. He won't let himself fall asleep. He has never been a cry yourself to sleep and pass out kind of kid. He also gets so delirious he starts to talk gibberish, then a sudden spike of energy and he is wide awake again. Everything I have been taught, read about and discussed had not worked. None of it!
So since he did not nap Friday, he didn't get a passy Friday night. What a fun night. Screaming, crying, yelling, throwing, a full blown fit of emotions for over 2 hours. Finally after a snack, many books, and leaving him alone for awhile Daddy got him to fall asleep about 10pm. We started at 6:30. So Saturday was going to be interesting. Daddy got him down for nap with minor struggles but not nearly the long lasting fit or anger, or sadness.
The key I think was we, as parents needed to know that the "passy" was in the garbage, we didn't have the crutch to know we could give it back if it didn't sleep. It was hard. I had a lot of emotion at first, then let it go. I didn't like seeing him so sad, distraught and in emotional pain. We had to have confidence that he is a big boy and could do it.
Saturday after his nap we had a wonderful afternoon having family time, going over to our friends swimming and having dinner. Our two year old was back to being fun and happy! That evening there was a challenge of sleeping for a little while, but minor compared to that evening before.
So we are on day three with no "passy" at all. Hopefully this is the peak and not much action in our future. The biggest downside to all of this, is he is waking up at 2 to 3 times a night, and needing to be snuggled and calmed down to go back to sleep. Then he is wide awake at 5am, which is his usually I have to go potty, and then I play in the loft with toys with my passy until 7am. No such luck. "Daddy, daddy, mommy, mommy mommy come upstairs please!" at 5am. Well hopefully his little body is able to sleep more consecutive hours soon. Also since we are in our 3rd week of preschool his activity level will be more consistent (and the sun is out) and these should all help.
So that habit is broken, but the aftermath and clean up are still in play.
Today's (day 4) Update: Nap in car, successful transition to bed with a 2 hours nap! Bedtime tonight took about 1.5 hours, mainly I think he was waiting for the sun to go down. I don't think he likes to go to bed when the sun is up he thinks it is too early. Usually he looks forward to sleeping and getting his passy. Not much to look forward to right now. Very little sadness, daddy sat with him, left him alone. He played in his room alone. We took out all his toys but a few books since night 1 was a nightmare and he was throwing everything over his gate anyway. But he went down after the second time daddy went upstairs, after 9:30pm. Too late for normal days, but OK for a growing boy that is working out how to sleep without something he has known since he was 7 months old.
Day 5, 6 & 7 Update: Daddy had to leave town for awhile and was ready to throw in the towel. We had a long discussion on how I could do this alone with both kids, especially with my 10 month old no sleeping well at night either. We also talked with Grandma and she insisted we stick with it and has done nap & night time for both days. She stayed consistent with daddy's stories and laying on the floor not in bed with him. Getting him to breath, slowly in and out has worked very well. He tends to hold his breath a lot and I think this contributes to the inability to relax.
So day 5 Daddy got him down without even a mention of passy on night 5. Day six at dinner he told me that he napped without passy at school (without any prompting), gave me a high five and ate his dinner. Later that night he asked for his passy in the bath and I said, " I know it is sad sometimes." and he said, "yeah" and kept playing. Grandma got him down fine that night even starting bedtime at 7pm he was asleep by 8:30. She also got him down at nap just fine today.
So a week into it, "passy" seems to be in the back of his mind, not a priority anymore. He has built up confidence in himself that he can sleep without it. I am so very proud of him. I didn't want to go this alone, and with the lead of Daddy and Grandma I didn't really have any part of it. Part of why I think it went better then expected. Daddy questioned the reason of why we were doing this again but now knows Grandma is getting him down too! I will try bed time for him tonight and see how it goes.
I love my son and am so proud of him!
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